Wednesday, March 12, 2008

The mark

It was an idyllic scene.

Graham and I were lounging in the bath together, playing and singing, when I leaned forward in what I can only, in hindsight, conclude must have been an extremely unflattering manner.

He frowned. A look of confusion passed his face. He reached out and grabbed a small(ish) section - okay, okay, a roll - of my belly.

Whassat?!

Sigh.

It’s Mama’s stomach sweetie. Look there’s Graham's stomach.

I tried and failed to pinch an inch on him.

He eyed me suspiciously and lunged at my stomach again, seizing what can only be described as a handful.

Dat mama! Whassat?

Oh Good Lord.

It was then I knew. It’s not the sickness and the puking or the worry or the exhaustion that finally mark you as a mother: it’s the abject humiliation.

Could we please just go back to talking about my nipple?

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76 comments:

jennwa said...

You are too funny. My youngest likes to talk about my belly roll.
Today she was telling me I had a big belly button.

Melissa said...

Welcome to the club...just wait until he tells you and outfit doesn't match or your hair is messy. It gets better, believe me!! ;)

tommie said...

Very cute....

Wait until he asks you if there is another baby in there! Ugghh NO! I just popped out two babies in sixteen months. Yes, you are are 3 and 4 but I have been busy!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Yet another upside of teenagers. They might think it, but they don't say it!

Stomper Girl said...

My firstborn constantly demanded whassat? too! And one of my kids had the nerve to tell me that i had a great big bottom. it's not true. I said. it's much smaller thatn your father's.

I love your McDonald's story, and the fact that you gave all the stuff away was almost the best part.

Brittany said...

Adam gets a kick out of my butt, for some reason. He likes to smack it and watch it jiggle. It's wonderful. Really. wonderful.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

My little daughter told me the other day that I have a nice fat tummy. But she meant it as a compliment. After all, I always tell her the same thing.

sky girl said...

LOL!!!

When I take a bath with Chicka she pokes my nipples like they're buttons. :)

Melisa said...

ROFL! At least he didn't do it publicly. My son's 2nd grade teacher, for the Parent Open House night, had all her students draw a picture of one or the other parent and describe them, without putting their (the student's) name on it. The parents where supposed to figure out which one belonged to their kid. While I was slightly horrified at my son's *choice* of words for mine (My mom is strong. She works at a health club and is a Whitey.), he didn't really know how else to describe my skin and I laughed and moved on.

Another mom had to discover, publicly, that her kid decribed her as a "Really fat lady". Ugh. I really felt for that mommy, whoever she was.

Nap Warden said...

My team constantly points to Mommy parts and says "what's that"...It's Mommy sweetie:)

Ms. Porter said...

Uuugh. I remember a time when I was changing and Mouse grabbed my thigh and jiggled it while saying 'mama, i love your chubby leg'.

Kami said...

Yup, been there sister! The battle wounds of motherhood are awesome aren't they?

;-)

Dawn said...

I'm right there with ya! Mamas go through so many humiliating experiences. I'm not even brave enough to write mine down- still too embarrassed.

flutter said...

Oh, hell. I just don't have the ego to be a mom!

Mr Lady said...

BWAHHAHAHAHA!

Cheri said...

"Mama, why does your butt hang over the edge when you sit on the toilet?"

"Because I'm not four like you."

Abject humiliation indeed.

Kat said...

Oh my...kids huh? Still a bit funny though. You're not alone at least :)

Amy said...

Although they are innocent, children can sure mess with our egos!!!

Karen said...

I've so turned that back onto my kids. My daughter is quite horrified of my rolls and stretch marks (as she should be) and I've said it's a direct result of carrying around her 8 pounds for 9 months.

I may never have grandchildren.

Oh, The Joys said...

It doesn't matter how many days go by, every morning I am just surprised as h&ll that there's a sharpei in my pants.

Heather said...

Yes, any illusion I might have had about my body has been shattered by my children.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

I HATE when my daughter does that. I'm very much so looking forward to the day when I can show her photos from right before she came to be and how I was skinny. It's all her fault that she can grab a handful now!

Sass E-mum said...

I'm always a bit bemused when my 18-month old daughter grabs my nipples, gives them a tweak and giggles.

I tell myself its okay. So far she's only done this when we've been in the bath. If she does this in the supermarket I might start thinking about setting boundaries.

I don't walk around supermarkets nekkid, alright;)

wheelsonthebus said...

Wait till he starts telling you you have a fat belly.

GoMommy said...

Kids are so brutal! Last night the boys were squeezing MJ's stomach and saying, "Woe Daddy, you sure are squishy!"
Natures little motivators.

CMB said...

Hi! Thank you for stopping by my blog. This post was hilarious! Isn't it amazing what our children say and think? Such honesty!
On another note, we met a wonderful couple from St. John's Canada on our trip to Cancun this past Oct. Are you anywhere near there?

suzy2110 said...

Thanks so much for your lovely comment on my blog- I am so happy that you enjoyed visiting Northern Ireland! :-)

Loved this post- it struck a cord, believe me!!!!

Angie said...

Ahhhh yes, I've had similar experiences.

KEEP BELIEVING

La La said...

I don't have my own kids, but my sister's son got behind me at Christmas and announced to everyone, "I'm hiding behind Aunt Shelia's fat." NICE.

Beth said...

My kidslove to grab my stomach and squish it around in their hands. Then they let out huge squeals of laughter! I'm glad I can be so entertaining...pass the chips, please. I've got to keep the troups happy!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Have you tried the "there's just more of you to love me or more of me to love you" idea?

He's probably way too young to get it but it's worth a try.

Either that or take a tubby in a wetsuit!

Hallie :)

John-Michael said...

I read back on the links that you provided, and want to say "wholesome!" I know that it is a forgotten word ... AND concept. And, admittedly, I haven't thought of or used it in so long that I am not sure that I EVER did. But you and Graham interacting ... your sweet, refreshing and honest thoughts and concerns ... brought that lovely concept and its name spontaneously to my mind. And I feel good about life, and You. Thank you.

Becky said...

Dude, yes. A million times yes. My own Big Son likes to chronicle the decent of his feces into the toilet IN PUBLIC BATHROOMS. Now, I'm not much to be ashamed, but DAMN, if the pee stained floor had opened up in front of me, I'd have jumped.

E said...

Parenting equals humbling. Just wait, it gets worse....(or maybe better depending on your perspective)

Kitty said...

He's just breaking you in gently ... you wait. There'll be much worse than that to come. ;-) x

Mac and Cheese said...

I've managed to avoid the humiliation thus far, but just yesterday, hubby was informed that he has boobies. There was nothing to say after that.

chelle said...

hehehe ... I can totally relate! My preschooler told me "When I grow up I want to have babies then I will have a flappy tummy like you" ... WHY yes YOU will sweet sweet one! hehe

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee, that is so true. Mr B was getting dressed the other day, and Miss M, who just turned 3 told me daddy was wagging. We nearly died laughing, but Mr B put his kecks on pretty quick. :D

Andrea said...

haha...funny story - but true! And of course...kids just say whatever's on their mind - they're so honest...too honest sometimes! ;)

amanda said...

oh too funny :) i am sure my time is coming!!

ps - hoping a breath of spring finds you soon!!

Kathryn said...

I've always said, and will always say, that being a mom is the most humbling experience there is.

Much More Than A Mom said...

Haha! My kid's hands aren't big enough to fit around my rolls they're so big. I love their honesty. I get "Mommy's owie!" to all my stretch marks. ;-)

Thanks for stopping by my little home on the web!

http://www.muchmorethanamom.com/
http://www.theopinionatedparent.com/

laura said...

I wonder how long it'll be until Deeder makes those kinds of observations! He sure does enjoy poking my preggo belly!

Kyla said...

Hilarious. But at least it was good blog fodder!

THE MOM BOMB said...

I get tummy squishes, too. As well as, "Mommy, why do you have cracks in your face?"

nomotherearth said...

The Boy thinks I feed the Little Guy from "my tummy". Which means I have 3 tummies. Yikes.

JCK said...

Funny and painful at the same time!!!Yowza!

I'll have to go read that nipple story. These little ones. They always come up with the hard questions. Somehow I had the impression the grilling would commence in Middle School!

Oh, and you are much too young to remember this, but there used to be a show called Knots Landing and an actress called Donna Mills was on that show. Whenever I see your the name of your blog it sets off memories. You don't throw glasses and wear a lot of eyeshadow, do you?

Huckdoll said...

Same!

Rachel said...

Excuse me while i die of laughter over here.
OMG.
So there. So completely and totally on level with you.

Reluctant Housewife said...

My son said to me once, "Mommy, I want to pat your big round tummy. It's soft."

secret agent mama said...

OMG, I'm dying over here!!

The Boyds Family said...

HA HA!!! OH MY!!! You just reminded me of a similar situation that happened with my three year old (Me thinks me needs to go post that one....It'll make you feel MUCH better.)

Thanks for the chuckle...Have a great day!

OHmommy said...

NICE!

I can't stop from smiling. Cause we have been there and done that and I still am eating ice cream!

:) Nice!

Corey~living and loving said...

love it.

the other day in the bath...we had a glow in the dark bath party. I had some glowsticks from the dollar store, and we had them in the tub with us and the lights off.
HIGHLY reccommended...so much fun.

anyhow, I for some crazy reason hid mine inbetween my belly rolls, and sugar started to cry that she couldn't do that too. LOL

krissy said...

Ha, Ha! I just blew pop outta my nose for this one!

Draw a funny face on your boobage, then the conversation will go back to the nipple!!!

Love it! You are so fun!

Family Adventure said...

THANK YOU for making me feel like I'm not alone.

This was the funniest post I've read all morning!!

Heidi :)

SaraLynn said...

lol....too funny! it is nice to know this happens to other moms!
hope you have good day!

Maria said...

I don't believe it. I bet he was just talking about your belly button. One time my daughter grabbed my BIG tummy and said, "That's weird! Yours goes out and mine goes in!". Then I realized she was talking about my belly button!

Jennifer said...

Girlfriend, I feel your pain.

*sigh*

An Ordinary Mom said...

Kids have a way of always telling it like it is ... trust me, I have been on the receiving end, too :) !!

mamafabulosity said...

Yet another reason why I no longer let my daughter see me naked. She ran through the house joyfully squealing "Mommys fat". I'm still a size 7/9. After two kids that is not that bad. :)

Motherhood for Dummies said...

HA HA! So sorry to laugh at your pain, but cute. I love stories of your little boy...he is always so entertaining :)

Kimmylyn said...

I just laughed out loud.. my son does that kind of stuff to more times than I care to admit..LOL

Haley-O said...

That was FUNNY! I can TOTALLY relate. And "abject humiliation" sums up motherhood PERFECTLY!!!

~Melissa~ said...

I (unfortunately) have so been there!

crazymumma said...

It's the vague look of horror they get.

Kelly said...

I so get this. Every time I take my shirt off in front of my 21 month old son, he points at my breasts and laughs like he has just seen the most hilarious things in the world. I'm starting to get a complex.

Jen said...

Ha ha ha. They keep us humble.

Tracey said...

What. A. Darling Child....


Just start talking about how he made your tummy that way. STart the guilt early...

LunaNik said...

Hehehe...ok, so this is really funny!!!

Shellie said...

Mine calls it the jelly tummy and loves to poke it.

jason said...

And this is why I no longer bathe with my children...ever! But I don't just have a small(ish) section. Kids are too funny! And opinionated

Erin said...

Sorry that last one was from me--not my hubby. He keeps taking over my computer!!! "He" has been leaving comments all over and I have to go and fix it everytime!

Law Student Hot Mama said...

I've already accepted the fact that I look like a freak without clothes (hell, even with clothes). My kid can't do any damage to me if I accept my own freakiness now, right?

Also, thanks for stopping by my own crazy blog . . . I'm glad you did and hope you'll be back! I'll be back to yours!

kittenpie said...

I'm shocked, frankly, that pumpkinpie has yet to comment on the size of my belly. Instead, she just keeps stuffing her knees into it. Oof.

(Yeah, they really know where to get yuo, don't they?)

Lisa said...

I love it....how funny that he noticed that.
And I now love you even more knowing that you too have a little mama poocha......oh how we love our kids to give up our bodies for them :)