Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Paging Mrs. Robinson

I fear I’m in real danger of becoming a dirty, old woman.

It’s somehow not quite as creepy as being a dirty old man, but still.

I don’t like it one little bit.

And I blame John Mayer.

John Mayer is my guilty pleasure. I’ve loved him for a while now, even though he is eight years younger than me. He seems so mature and I look good for my age, so I convinced myself I could fit in with his rock star friends. I convinced myself the age gap was nothing - we were all practically contemporaries!

But the other day while perusing a celebrity gossip web site (not the one I swore off, honest!) I came to the startling conclusion that John is practically an elder statesman when it comes to contemporary musicians. In fact, pretty much the entire crop of young hotties these days is entirely out of my league when it comes to age. (I know, I know, not just age, but let’s just stick with age for now, m’kay?)

Pete Wentz? Ten years younger than me. Justin Timberlake? Twelve years younger than me. Chris Brown? Gulp – 18 years younger than me! Yes, that’s right. I am old enough to be Chris Brown’s mother.

When did this happen? I may have had to modify my dreams of Olympic glory but my vision of myself as a young ingénue, and potential rock star girlfriend, is one I hold even more dear.

And yet it is seems even that dream is starting to crumble.

Mostly I blame Pamela Anderson. (See how I let John off the hook there – I can’t stay mad at him!)

Pam is a fellow Canadian and pretty much a professional rock star girlfriend/ wife. While she has never personified feminine beauty for me, for years a lot of people considered her to be the hottest of the hot. And that made me feel awfully good about myself, considering she is two years and two months older than me. Knowing that definitely helped convince me that John and I had a shot.

But lately Pamela Anderson is blowing it for both of us. She’s not aging well. She’s morphing from sexpot to caricature and all of a sudden she’s starting to look like someone who is trying way too hard to hang onto her youth. She’s starting to look like someone who is just a tad too old for the skimpy outfits she’s always wearing.

She’s starting to look like someone who is probably too old to date John Mayer. And if she’s too old to date John Mayer, then I probably am too.

But you know what? I still would. In fact, if I weren’t married I would also be happy to accept a date with Pete Wentz. And Justin Timberlake. And if he asked nicely, maybe even Chris Brown.

And that’s why I fear I’m in real danger of turning into a dirty, old woman.

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44 comments:

MommyTime said...

ha ha ha, Mrs. Robinson! You are very funny.

Brittany said...

hmm see I am the opposite. I like them older. Like 10-15 years older. Seriously. Older, wiser, more experienced, sexier... maybe less training involved? hmm... Andy is only 10 months older... So, I married a youngin... haha.

Leanne said...

Interesting. I agree with a lot of what you say, but you know what? I have a husband, a son and a male cat. I figure I already have one too many men in my life.....

Dawn said...

I'm going to agree with Brittany, I like them older. I have a crush on Anthony Bourdain.

Family Adventure said...

Ok, DMD (I always want to call you DVD, isn't that bad?), look at leanne's answer. Ring a bell, that one??

You look awesome, and John Mayer should be so lucky. Sadly, he'll probably never get a chance to...

Heidi

Corey~living and loving said...

I just love your sense of humor. You are a guarenteed smile. thanks!
Have a great wednesday.

Kat said...

OMG you always make me smile. I stopped reading perez as well. Gotta go with the times and move on. Stupid sold his soul and is now one of them plus who cares what the celebs are up to. They are no role model for me anyway. Totally digress ;)

OHmommy said...

heehee... you ROCK!

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Koo, koo, ka,choo - or however you spell it....

I don't know, lately I've been finding the dignified, courtly 50-somethings downright appealing. Must be because I'm turning 45 this year.

sky girl said...

You always make me smile when I read you. So much of the time you echo the way I think.

It's not usually the guys that make me feel old. It's the women. Those twenty-something movie stars that I'm convinced are older than me and actually aren't.

sky girl said...

And congrats on making to the final rounds of the blog awards!

Kyla said...

I'm such a BABY. Everyone you mentioned (except Chris Brown) is older than me. Sigh.

Jenifer said...

I am afraid I have the older man problem here, give me Harrison Ford or Denzel Washington any day over those hot young things.

something blue said...

I see that I'm in good company but back off! It's that he's so witty I can't help but swoon. Age is a state of mind and I'm obviously twelve.

By the way, I tagged you!

GoMommy said...

Diva Gets Her Groove Back! Ha! Don't worry! I still think I'm 20, then I look in the mirror and it's like, "oh yeah, right." Not so much!

Melissa said...

I'm old enough I don't even know who John Mayer is...cripes, I'm off to wikipedia.

Jen M. said...

I feel ooooold!

Kathryn said...

I'm not a John Mayer fan. Never was. But oh man, JT is hot! He is my man! I just can't even stand it!

Amy said...

LOL!
You are too funny.
Personally, I go for the Basketball stars, and lucky for me I yearn for the oldies (comparatively) like Jason Kidd, Chris Webber and Wally Szczerbiak. Yumm

Queen of My Domain said...

That is to funny. I'm to old to date any of them either but as least my ears are still young enough to enjoy their music.

Jen said...

The rocker I like is Gavin Rossdale, but he's older than me, so I'm off the hook. If I could only compete with Gwen... :)

Victoria said...

Oh, I totally gave up "that site" too. Bleck.

Justin Timberlake? I'm sorry - you said JT and something else....?

Mrs. Robinson - *snort*!

InTheFastLane said...

Hee! All the stars that I find myself attracted to are older than me...what does that say about me? Tom Hanks, Keifer Southerland...Although I really liked Heath Ledger too.

secret agent mama said...

You make me laugh, man! I love me some John and Justin, yo! Seriously.

ewe are here said...

I have a friend who loves loves loves John Mayer; seemed convinced they were soulmates, if only they would meet. snicker

And you're right about Pamela Anderson. Not.Aging.Well.At.All.
Rather scary, in fact.

Jennifer said...

Rock on, Mrs. Robinson! Hee. Eight years is nothing. Go for John Mayer. (As long as you stay away from my JT. *grin*)

And, you are so right about Pamela Anderson.

we_be_toys said...

You know, maybe it's high time for a few "Dirty Old Women" to even up the playing field. I say, go for it!! (But we will expect pictures here in blogland; living vicariously, and all that!)

mamafabulosity said...

I used think John Mayer was hot, but ever since he dated Jessica Simpson he kinda lost his appeal. Plus he once said in an interview that he liked his girlfriends to have phone sex with him and I'm just not into that. But I'll still take Richard Gere any day. There's just something about him. Yum!

Kimmylyn said...

I lust the young and old. LOL.. But I really think Pam Anderson should hang up the hair weave or something..

This was a fun post!!

tommie said...

just want to say, you rock! But Pamela, yeah, she is looking rough.

Heather said...

I'd take John. Probably not Justin though. I don't know who Chris Brown is.

I've developed a thing for Rob Thomas lately. I'm not sure how old he is. Now I have to go investigate.

Lulu said...

Love John Mayer, too!!!

I am linking to you on my blog - I read you everyday, so ... hope that's OK!!!

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

Join the club!
I am usually attracted to older men, but I think it is because I hate to see myself as a dirty old woman. but I am.

Zoe said...

i would so be john mrs. robinson. or james blunt. or travis barker or...i could go on..it's the 80's groupie in me coming out!

Abbie said...

HAHAH Oh my dear, you are too funny!

Badness Jones said...

Don't worry DMD....we can be dirty old women together.

Trish K said...

Try having a crush on Zach Effron from HS Musical and Hairspray. I think I outweigh him by about 75 lbs as well

wheelsonthebus said...

Shame on Pamela.

Emily

Mac and Cheese said...

Nothing dirty about any of that. It just happens to be time for your sexual prime.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Pamela Anderson needs to just accept that she's no longer Baywatchable. Also? I heart Orlando Bloom. It's only a 6 year gap soooo...

Just Janice said...

Yanno - I can't quite get into younger guys. I guess 'cause there's so many older hotties out there like George Clooney and Matt Damon!

Karen MEG said...

Okay, I'm older than you are, heck, older than Pammy there, and I'm a big John Mayer fan too, not so much for his looks but his voice, that's another thing. And I've developed an appreciation for JT despite thinking he was a baby for the longest time (well, he is a baby for me) ...caught a photo of his abs once and had to do a double take. Call me dirty old grandma.
Lately it's more my contemporaries for slightly older who are turning my crank. Clive, Viggo, George ... like fine wine.

Mr Lady said...

I will mud wrestle you in a bikini on TMZ for rights to JT. I never liked him until one fateful night when I saw him on Saturday Night Live. I think I am stalking him now.

Andreas Berglund said...

No need to feel that way, I'm 27 and I think your totally hot and would consider myself lucky to go out with you. There is nothing wrong with a bit of age difference.