Friday, June 13, 2008

Your kid is not a punch line

You know, I wasn’t planning on blogging tonight. I was going to just take the day off, relax and kick back.

But then, while perusing my local paper on-line, I came across this article about something so bizarre that it became clear the universe was asking, nay begging, me to take to the internets and deliver a very special DMD slap-down.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present: stilettos for babies.


This is not a joke. These shoes, made for infants up to six months of age, are being marketed as “Her First High Heels” by two mothers who have co-founded a company called Heelarious.

At first I was fixing to go on a proper rant about how dressing a baby up as a mini adult like this sexualizes them and robs them of their childhood, blah, blah, blah…

But then I read this quote from one of the company’s co-founders:

"I've always been a shoe freak and I thought, `Omigawd, what if you could take a baby to a party wearing high heels? It would be hilarious.’”

And I realized that these ladies are not courting sexual predators, they’re courting the cool kids.

And that’s almost as bad.

Because wannabe hipster parents who think it's trendy to dress their babies up in funny, ironic little accessories are just plain lame.

I am sorry if you were not popular in high school. But that does not give you the right to try and make up for it by exploiting your child’s natural cuteness. It does not give you the right to insist on giving them some ridiculous hair style or to dress them in clothing designed for the sole purpose of eliciting chuckles and showcasing what you imagine to be your edgy, streetwise style.

Bottom line: if you want to bust out and crack wise, YOU wear the punch line.

Thank you. That is all.

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66 comments:

lattemommy said...

Amen, sistah. These women should be shot.

It's wrong, just plain wrong.

Leanne said...

The only scarier thing than the ladies who dreamed this up, are the ladies who will buy them.

Poor, poor defenseless baby girls.

Backpacking Dad said...

Can I dress her up like Yoda?

Because, I, uh, did.

chris said...

Ahhh...the voice of reason is finally heard...I'm with you on this one. Although, I do enjoy seeing my 3 year old son raid his mother's shoe closet.

Corey~living and loving said...

UGH...this is all sorts of disgusting. OH and Did you see the price of those ugly ass shoes??????

krissy said...

Okay, really....those were not cute. I would consider it for halloween though! Why not dress your newborn as a hooker?

daysgoby said...

Can you imagine? The little heels catching on everything (please God leaving holes in Mommy and Daddy as they chortle about wooshy squooshums)

These are the people who dress their two year olds in leopard print, right?

Vered said...

Kelly, you and I don't always agree, but this one - WOW. I completely agree. Lame, and SAD.

I can't see this company taking off, though. This can't possibly become a big hit. Right? RIGHT?

Trudie said...

Kelly, you've already said it all in your post - I can only add: Amen!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

That's totally disgusting.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Yep. It's pretty much even worse that people who stuff their teacup dogs into Juicy bags.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

It's bizarre, I'll give you that.

I keep meaning to take the day off, also; but too many funny things happen.

David said...

These marketers belong in the bins of bankruptcy. Let's help make it so.

Anonymous said...

Wow how sad. These women need therapy and fast. Thanks Kelly for sharing this story.

Mara
http://24stepstogo.blogspot.com/

Kathryn said...

People have children for many horrible, sad, and disturbing reason and I'm sure impressing people is one of them. So this doesn't surprise me. I don't really think it is hurtful to the kid, but it sure is stupid.

KathyLikesPink said...

It's hard to imagine there is much of a market for this, but I guess SOMEBODY thought there was.

Pitiful and disgusting.

Working mum said...

So true. Another aspect of dressing children that I don't approve of.

Btw Thank you so much for coming to see my photostory Friday. I am honoured - the great Don Mills Diva left me a comment! Woo hoo!

Angella said...

I saw those yesterday and had no words.

Thankfully, you did.

Those are just plain wrong. Seriously.

Laura said...

Those are CRAZY-STUPID! I agree...you be the punch line, not your little one! It is like those people who dress up their dogs....come on!

Crazy. Stupid. Wrong.

Chelle said...

WOW! What in the world are people thinking?!?! Oh wait, they aren't...

Nowheymama said...

I...am speechless.

Momma said...

Very disturbing! Women who put these things on their babies are probably the same ones who dress them up and put them in beauty contests, too.

((shudder))

D

Anonymous said...

...the same mothers who wear miniscule underwear visible above the waistline of their pants, while showcasing the 20 lbs of overweight the they have around the mid section.
... who think nothing of letting an 8 year-old girl wear a training bra underneath a tiop that leaves the waist bare.
... who think being their children's best friend is the same thing as having good mothering skills.
...who can't figure out what went wrong when the police shows up at the door the first time.

Normally I don't go for the anonymous stuff - I just had to vent!

Kami said...

You have got to be kidding me! The whole idea of them makes me cringe but also?

They are the H-ugliest things I have ever seen. Can I have three cheers for cute, age appropriate Robeez here?

Cheri said...

It has finally happened -- I've seen everything!

I'm glad you didn't take the night off and posted this for us.

zoeyjane said...

*raises hand hesitantly*

my daughter's had a long 22 months full of teeshirts with ironic or sarcastic phrases, or just plain inspired by rock n' roll. including two designed ones with devil's horns on them.

please don't throw anything at me!

but those shoes. uggggh. wrong.

kay said...

why would someone want to dress their baby as a prostitute? i don't get it

kittenpie said...

that's kind of bizarre... and not the same as the little hipster ha-ha T-shirts, I don't think. It's got another layer of weirdness to it, well beyond the "aren't I cool" aspect that those have. I imagine these are the same people who have a wardrobe for a little dog complete with little tutus and such, you know?

I can only imagine that they will languish on a clearance shelf somewhere...

Flea said...

Okay. This is a completely stupid thing, the baby heels. Bit it IS hilarious. I would never buy them for my child. Unfortunately, it IS something my MIL would buy for a granddaughter. :(

Reluctant Housewife said...

Is it just me, or do those look exactly like a leopard print pair of the shoes Miss Piggy wears?

For pigs? Yes. For babies? No.

Good & Crazy said...

I second LeAnn. It's only bad if it SELLS. Yikes.

I hate high heels for my tweens, much less babies! How exactly is that hilarious?

Just like Miss Piggy.

Momma Mary said...

Wow. Those are crazy. Even the name of the shoes sayd "Let's make fun of my baby." Ugh.

ewe are here said...

Ugh. Unbelievable what gets marketed to wee ones these days. Unbelievable.

Lisa Writer said...

Hi, DMD. I've heard a lot about you lately and tried to post last night. But, alas, the wicked thunderstorm caused the electricity to go off just as I pressed "publish."

Those shoes are out of control and not even worth thinking about. It's sad that an apparel company would agree to produce and market high heels for babies. Argh.

Whitenoise said...

What about mothers who have their baby's (male or female) ears pierced? Why not wait until the kid is old enough to decide for themselves...?

OHmommy said...

Not even I would buy those. ;)

sky girl said...

Not to mention that they're pretty ugly. They remind me of cartoon shoes. I would NEVER put my girl in those.

Elaine A. said...

People will come up with ANYTHING for a buck, won't they. Ridiculous.

Sue said...

And here I thought the little pink sneakers I bought at Old Navy for $5 were cool. Of course that was 10 years ago. Boy have times changed?!!

IRISHKAT said...

Tat is almost as scary as three year old pagent girls in full make up. If I saw those shoes on a babe I would think Mom Whore - sad isn't it?

April said...

The really sad part is, little girls' feet, ankles and legs are not equipped to handle heels. This "heelarious" item could cause some serious damage!

nomotherearth said...

While I despise the shoes, and don't think them "heelarious" at all, I will confess to buying t-shirts with cute sayings for my boys. For instance, I bought a t-shirt with a picture of a stroller on it and it says "That's how I roll."

Sometimes, on bad days, those t-shirts with the cute sayings are the only humour I have. Pathetic? Yes. Sometimes necessary? Yes. [I do keep them as 'child-friendly' as possible - I think children need childhoods too]

Rima said...

Amen to that. Well said, DMD!

Susiewearsthepants said...

First of all, I think the shoes are hideously ugly. I agree with everything you said. While I want my girls to fit in and clothes that are in style, I would not even allow my 16 year old daughter to wear shoes like that for any reason.

womaninawindow said...

pretty disturbing stuff...even for an adult. some people are just plain dumb (and garish)

common mom said...

Are you serious? OMG!!! How ridiculous can people be? Children are not accessories!!!

Beck said...

People are just freaking horrible.

MommyTime said...

I've got nothing that hasn't been said -- though I must second (third?) the Miss Piggy comment, which is right on.

Jenifer said...

That is just so revolting...I don't think I ever would have believed it.

imbeingheldhostage said...

Amen and well said! Holy cow, you know what it's like to find cute little girl clothes that don't make her look like a hoochie mama? and now heels?!

Caroline said...

Absolutely agree with you.

countrymouse said...

ugh i saw these about a week ago. terrible terrible. um...and WAY more $ than i would sepnd on a show for someone WHO CANT WALK!

Jaina said...

Great slap down. Those are horrific, their children should be taken away for abuse or something. Maybe that's a bit extreme, but SERIOUSLY.

MommyK said...

First of all, the heels are intended for the babies to actually walk in. If you look closer at the packaging, you'll see that these are marketed as "crib shoes" and that the foam heel with collapse with weight. These are not real high heels for babies.

That said, I don't see the difference between these and those pacifiers that make it look like the baby has buck teeth. Not my cup of tea, but essentially harmless. It's ridiculous to think that a baby wearing these shoes will grow up to be a boob-flashing, pole-dancing, thong-wearing Britney Spears #2. They are SHOES. Do babies dressed in three piece suits grow up to be bankers on Wall Street?

Personally, I find those shoes to be hideously ugly and I'd never put them on my baby. But you have to give those moms credit for coming up with a money making scheme.

Today, my son is wearing a shirt that says "I still live with my parents." I think it's hilarious, people who see him in it think it's hilarious. It won't be long before I won't have much of a say in what he wears. So what's the harm of an ironic t-shirt or a pair of ass ugly fake heels?

MommyK said...

Whoops, that should say "are NOT real high heels."

TONYA said...

Ugly, ugly, ugly.

Amy said...

That's just messed up!

Joanna said...

Those are so nasty - on so many levels. Glad I just have boys.

Mama's Losin' It said...

I have to say I'm with MommyK on this one. I think the shoes are ugly, but I can just see one of my friends showing up to a bbq with her little one in matching shoes just to get a laugh out of everyone. A baby in heels? Ugly! Ugly = Kind of funny.

Dads dress their boys up in all kinds of sports jerseys etc. And I've seen TONS of tots wearing bikinis (something I find astrocious), but these kids will grow up and think for themselves. It's not like the shoes are meant for everyday attire...they're not real heels. I guess I don't think it's that big of a deal.

Jobthingy said...

that is the most ridiculous thing i have ever seen. and you know hollywood is going to be all over it. *rolls eyes*

Jennifer said...

A to the MEN!

Indy said...

I wondered what OHmommy would say about those shoes. I can't believe they make them for babies. Weirdos.

Kimmylyn said...

I seriously thought this was a joke.. Who in the world would purchase this?? Ugh.. just ugh.

The Boyds Family said...

This has to be the craziest thing I've ever heard...WHO, in their right mind....would purchase something like this???? AND they aren't even cute.

salleebythesea said...

I don't even think celebrities would stoop so low. It is one thing for little children to want to flop around in mommy's and daddy's shoes...but to put them in (might I add unhealthy for the feet in the first place) grown up shoes is at best misguided.

caramama said...

This is just so wrong. So so wrong.