Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Love story

You might think that on the eve of Valentine’s Day I would be dreamily waxing about love and romance and how I knew that my husband was my soul mate the moment I laid eyes on him.

But you’d be wrong.

The fact is, I gave careful consideration to whether I could and should love the man who would become my husband.

And I’m not even sure I believe there is such a thing as a soul mate.

Sure I’m a bit of a diva sometimes, but I’m not hard to get along with. I’m relatively easy on the eyes and I fly airplanes. (Guys love that). The thing is, if I hadn’t met Rob, I’m pretty sure I would have happily met someone else, married and had a child. (Not one half as cute as Graham, but still).

But of course I didn’t marry someone else, I married Rob and not a day goes by that I don’t congratulate myself on the wisdom of that decision.

Because it was a decision, not just to marry him, but to love him. Sure there was lust and there were sparks, but the love was a conscious decision on my part born of the realization that it was time to settle down and make a commitment to this smart and sweet man who is as handy with a power drill as he is with a spice rack.

On New Year’s Eve 1997, I made a resolution. I resolved that in 1998 I would meet my future husband. I started dating Rob in July of 1998 and we have together rung in every New Year since.

The love I have for my husband is not something that was predestined or sent from above. It is a state of mind. It is a vow that I renew to him, to myself and to our son every day - on good days and, even more importantly, on bad days.

It’s a love that will not fail because I won’t let it.

Sometimes I envy happily-married women who got an early start on marriage and children. I was almost 33 when I married and five years later I still don’t feel my family is complete so, God willing, I’ll be changing diapers into my forties.

But the thing is, I wasn’t ready to commit my life at 20 or 25 or even 30 and neither was Rob. I’m not one of those people who think maturity only arrives after one has attended the requisite number of wild parties but, believe you me, I attended my share just in case.

In fact, I attended enough parties that I was actually growing weary of them when, celebrating the wrap of this film, I struck a conversation with a man who struck me immediately as a gentleman.

I did not hear the angels sing. I did not feel struck by a bolt from above. I did think, almost immediately, I am ready for love and this might be a man I could grow to love.

And so I did.

I love the way he insisted on coming in and having a glass of wine with my father the first time he picked me up from my parent’s house. I love how attentive he was to my elderly grandmother who lived there.

I love that we can talk for hours about the ills of the world and that I never secretly think I’m smarter than him. I love the way he took my first effort at screenwriting and turned it into something of which we could be proud.

I love that he carried my engagement ring in his pocket for days as we hiked through the Andes and then pulled it out to propose as the sun hit Machu Picchu.

I love that he slams on the brakes to avoid hitting butterflies. I love that he insisted on rushing my first baby to the vet one day, thereby saving his life. I love that people think he’s passive and shy because he’s quiet, when in fact he’s the most strong-willed and stubborn person I know (after me).

I love that he doesn’t care what other people think of him.

And so, while I’m not even sure I believe there is such a thing as a soul mate, I definitely, definitely believe in love.

Happy Valentine’s Day Rob. I love you.

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55 comments:

Brittany said...

I love the honesty, in this post. Most people gush about the soulmate they married and how love is so blinding and blinding. While yes, it can be wonderful and blinding, it's also work and a choice.

You are a beautiful couple, however. :) Congrats on your loving marriage!

Melissa said...

Wow, that is exactly how I feel about my hubby!!

Do you think I could just borrow this? ;) Though I don't know how to fly airplanes...

Happy Valentine's Day to you and Rob!!

Are You Serious! said...

♥ Great post! I love that you fly airplanes! :)

Just Janice said...

I love that your hubby's name is Rob too. Robs are great :) Happy Valentine's day!

Kyla said...

Amen. Love is a choice and it sounds like you chose well.

Amy said...

you said this so "real" and beautifully. what a testimant to your love.

Family Adventure said...

My husband was so offended when I told him - after 10 yrs of marriage - that I don't think there's such a thing as a soulmate. But that doesn't mean I don't love him!

Your post explained it beautifully - maybe I should just show him this :)

Happy Valentine's to you and your love!
Heidi

sky girl said...

I find this fascinating. The way you explain it all really makes it seem like you were/are in such control. Your certainty that someone else would have come along floors me. I've just never had that ease and confidence. I'm a little jealous. :)

Most of the time I careen around haphazardly on a wing and a prayer. I'm pretty convinced that if I hadn't met Frenchie that I'd still be single today. When we got together I felt like he was the one that I'd been waiting for.

Leanne said...

Wow. Love the honesty. I've always felt that real love followed the line. "Love me little, so you'll love me long." It works for us....

Ms. Porter said...

What a lovely lovely post...thank you for sharing. I respect what you have written about your love for Rob...and it's similar to how I view love.
Ugh, now I feel like a total shit for the stinken homemade card I made for my babe!

Awesome Mom said...

It is refreshing to hear stories like this. I really think that movies and tv over romanticize love.

Mommy Cracked said...

Awwwww. That is on of the sweetest things I've ever read! You two look so great together! And you make a cute kid, too!

Corey~living and loving said...

when love goes right...it is a blessed thing. You sound blessed. :)
happy Valentine's day.

Kat said...

Is it okay to sob? Happy Valentine's Day!

Beth said...

Love the honesty in this post. Happy Valentine's Day, DMD!

Laura said...

What a wonderful post. Love is all about respect and honesty...so happy you have found it!

I am going to work on David and my story...Like you, I met David the yeaer I decided to meet my husband! And the evening after our first date I told my best friend we would marry...on the eve of our third date (3 days later!) his sister guessed he was seeing someone over the phone and from BC she announced to his parents he wasin love!!!! Stay tuned!!!!

Thanks for sharing...as always, a wonderful post.

wheelsonthebus said...

You fly airplanes and he hikes with rings. Wow. Your kid has a tough act to follow.

angie said...

I think this is one of the greatest tributes to a husband I've ever read. Totally real. Your wedding picture is soooo beautiful, too.

GoMommy said...

That was so beautiful and honest. You were so wise to have snatched him up! He was the lucky one!

mamatulip said...

I love this post. It makes me feel warm.

Dawn said...

This post sure brought a smile to my face. It was beautiful. I think your husband's proposal sounds like one of the most romantic ones I've ever heard of!

katie said...

amazing post. everything in life happens for a reason... as it seems you and Rob did.

Teachin' this mommy new tricks! said...

Love this post. I love how you point out that so much of marriage is the decision you made to love that person. That is it an emotion as much as an effort/commitment. Sound like you raelly do have a great marriage! Hope you guys have many MANY more happy years!

Amy said...

I will tell you a secret.
I slept with my husband within a month of knowing him. I was a good girl who had only slept with one other person in my life. I was raised to save sex for marriage, so I told myself, "Self, you will marry this boy because you cannot sleep with anyone else ever." I was 20 years old and I made a decision to love a 18 year old boy who has become my greatest love, a person my life would be incomplete without.
Love is a decision. I believe that with my whole heart.

Jenifer said...

Sounds like a perfect love story to me.

caramama said...

That was beautiful, and so well said! What a great Valentine's Day story!

Miss Perfect said...

That was a beautiful post.
I'll be honest, I have the exact opposite love story to yours. I fell in love at 19, married at 23, and now at 29 am due with my second child.
Talk about opposite paths!
But, I agree that love is something you think about and work at every day no matter how or why you fell in love.
I hate when people tell me I'm lucky. Yes, I am lucky, but I also work hard to stay in luck (if that makes sense.)
Happy Valentines Day to you and both of your sweeties!

Kathryn said...

Yep. Marriage is a choice you make everyday. What a wonderful post. You are a wise woman.
And what a gorgeous pic!
Happy Valentine's Day!

Jen said...

Happy Valentine's Day!

Sweet post and a lovely couple.

E said...

Love is not enough.. Intention is stronger.
Wise post...thanks for the reminder

LaskiGal said...

What you have written is so real. It is real, honest-to-goodness LOVE. Unencumbered with all the junk yet filled with all the things that matter.

BTW--at the rate I'm going, I'll be changing diapers well into my 40s--so I'm so with you . . .

Happy V day to you, your big man and little man!

Linds said...

Very beautiful post Kelly! You guys are lucky to have each other.

Happy Valentines Day!

Melisa said...

This is a great post! (and I loved the photo!) Have a Happy Valentine's Day!

Holly said...

Beautiful post Kelly! Have a great day.

Lisa said...

Gave me chills. Each persons love story is in fact perfect. It's theirs...thereby making it perfect!

Happy Valentines Day!

jennwa said...

You fly airplanes, you are so cool.
It is great to be married to a great guy. It sounds like you have one and so do I.
I hope you have a great Valentine's Day !!!

Tracey said...

Hon, that was a lovely love letter...

Someone Being Me said...

Sounds like a good way to meet a husband. Marriage takes work and commitment. A lot of people who fall madly in love at first sight expect that feeling to last forever and end up disapointed when it doesn't.

MamaGeek said...

Wow. Beautiful.

C said...

What a wonderful post!!!!

Happy Valentine's Day :)

C said...

P.S. Hubby and I are going to have to watch Mya's Normal Night! You are just way too cool for words! ;)

Maria said...

Aww. That put tears in my eyes. What a good attitude you have about life! I like that.
Maria

Huckdoll said...

Beautiful love story...thank you for sharing it.

I like that you waited to settle down - too many young people are getting married to quickly and we all know how it ends, based on the divorce stats.

You guys are a gorgeous couple!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Happy Valentine's Day to you as well!

Heather said...

i can relate. That's the sort of love my hubby and I have. We made a choice, didn't just "fall in love" (or lust).

We sort of just recognized in each other that we were best suited for one another I think.

Karen MEG said...

That was a wonderful love story. A real love story.
happy Valentine's day to you and your sweetheart.

painted maypole said...

love IS a choice. great post.

and your husband worked on The Time Traveller's Wife??? Oh, could he write a guest post about that please? ;)

ewe are here said...

Wonderful story; wonderful post.

And I so agree about love and soul mates....

Hope you two had a wonderful valentine's day.

Kimmylyn said...

Honest. Straight forward and oh so true. Loved this. Out of all the Valentine's post this was my favorite.

Hope you both enjoyed the day.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

This post is awesome!

the new girl said...

awesome post!

kgirl said...

"...and that I never secretly think I’m smarter than him."

After dating my fair share of airheads, you just made me realize that the same is true for me... and now I love my husband even more than I did 5 minutes ago, so thank you.

Oh, The Joys said...

I loved this post. Love IS a choice!

liv said...

"It’s a love that will not fail because I won’t let it."

that's it--the strength to maintain belief in something worth having. at the end of the day, i will always be an optimist. to choose love, and decide to stay with it no matter how hard it can be is truly beautiful.

so glad you have each other!

kittenpie said...

I'm with you here. I didn't get struck immediately by Misterpie, but got to know him, and I think that liking someone deeply as a person is really important. Otherwise, what do you have when first lust cools a bit? Because it does, even if you still think he's doable, and it's so good to have a true partner for the times you aren't in bed.