The healing power of slutty shoes

What a difference a year makes.

Remember last year when I wrote a New Year's Shooting for Hip column about how the exchange of slutty shoes is somewhat of a Christmas tradition between my mom and !?

Well, it was. Well, it still is I guess, which is to say I did receive a very lovely pair of boots from my mother this year. And, as per usual, I did pick them out myself.

So I guess I have no one but myself to blame for fearing that, when stacked against the slutty boots and shoes of years past, those boots are a symbol of all the things that made 2008 such a sucky year.

Check out my Shooting for Hip column over at Better Than A Playdate, get a gander at the new boots and decide for yourself if they're slutty enough to help me face 2009 with ferocity...

To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?

Like many people, I often wonder, What is it that people are looking for?

And like many bloggers I often check the Google search terms that lead people to land on my humble little piece of the internets.

Three words people: freaking comedy gold.

In the interest of trying to give those desperate searchers the answers they seek, and perhaps entertaining you in the process, I present, in no particular order, my favorite search terms over the last month and the responses I hope will enlighten those who follow.

1. Mama jelly tummy
Nope. I don’t care what you may have read. There is no mama jelly tummy to be found on Don Mills Diva or in her vicinity. You can’t prove anything. Move along folks, move along.

2. I’m lusting after my mother-in-law
Or having an affair with her. Or in love with her. Ever since this post eight months ago, a steady stream of mother-in-law lovers land on DMD. Methinks maybe all those comedians doing a brisk business in mother-in-law jokes are protesting too much…

3. Slutty shoes
And hooker shoes. And blue leapard (sp) print hooker shoes. I wrote this post late last year and still the shoe fetishists continue to visit in droves. I shudder to think how many marriages would collapse if everyone's mother-in-law started wearing stilettos.

4. I am doing my best to be a diva
Are you a mother-in law? If so, take off the shoes, back away from the computer and stop encouraging your daughter’s damn husband.

5. Nylons for prom?
No. Just no. Not convinced? Check out this photo. You’re welcome sweetie.

6. Bare soul vs bear soul
I’m pretty sure, if it came down to it, the bear soul would win.

7. Do girls like black shy boys with different accents?
Aww…bless your soul. You sound very sweet and I’m sure there are a lot of girls out there who like exactly that.

8. Don Mills bitches
Not these girls though. Stay away – you’re way too good for them.

9. Man never shy, if shy then he's not man
Did Don Mills bitches tell you that? Seriously, ignore them – they’re just totally jealous of me.

10. Smell in Don Mills
Oh jeez. Don’t look at me. I swear to God, it was the dog.

Slutty shoes and the spirit of Christmas

Every family has its unique holiday traditions; time-honored customs and rituals which mark the season and each year symbolize for its members the very spirit of whatever holiday they celebrate.

In some homes mothers and daughters trade Christmas recipes or craft ornaments. In my family, mom and I bond over the sacred, annual gifting of the slutty shoes.

If you want to check out the rest, click here and go to my column at Mommyblogstoronto - I got some good pictures over there!