Saturday, May 23, 2009

In good time

Wow.

It's amazing how hearing about the misery of others can make you feel soooo much better.

That is to say, it has been an extraordinary relief to read your dozens and dozens of comments and e-mails reassuring me that Graham's abject refusal to fully potty train at the age of three and a years of age is neither unusual, nor a reason to fear that I will be changing diapers in perpetuity.

Thank all of you for generously sharing your wonderful stories and advice, tips and tricks.

And forgive me for deciding to ignore all of them.

That is to say, I've decided I'm going to just give it a rest.

I know my son. I know he has inherited the stubborn gene from both parents and I know that his refusal to poop on the potty is, more than anything, an opportunity to test that inheritance against us.

As I said last night to Rob, "It's impossible to win a battle of wills against someone who doesn't even have the the ability to reason logically."

And so yesterday, after he used the potty all day to pee, I gave Graham his pull-up as soon as he asked for it and advised him casually, "You can poop in the potty if you want, it's up to you."

"That's great mommy! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" he shouted, with a smile so happy and so clearly full of relief that I felt a little guilty about the boot camp mentality I've been subjecting him to all week.

Because the thing is, seeing him smile like that? Makes me think that, if I had to, I could probably change his damn pull-ups forever.

Just don't tell him that, m'kay?


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30 comments:

Rachel said...

JUST finished a conversation with a friend who was *haggling* me about Monkey being 2 1/2 and I stopped trying after 2 days because he wasn't havin' it. Stubbonr and Smart run through him like gangbusters.

YAY for you!!! and thanks for the encouragement. I love that face!!!

Hi friend.

Michelle said...

Honestly? I think that's the best way to go. Kids SHOULD have control over their own bodies. He'll let you know when he's ready. :)

Cheffie-Mom said...

Hi, stopping by to say hello. Great photo-what a happy little face! Have a wonderful weekend!

Angella said...

Girl, both boys were three before they were trained. I didn't push it. One day, they said they didn't want to wear underwear anymore, and that was it. Graham willbe ready when he's ready.

flutter said...

he will come through. You will, too :)

Kit Kat said...

I think that taking a break is the best thing you can do. My son is 2 1/2 and we tried potty training him a few months ago. He knows how to control it and go in the potty, he just didn't care. After much frustration on my part, I just decided to stop. He'll potty train when he's ready. Graham will to. Good luck!

Tara R. said...

You both will probably be happier taking a break. It will happen when he's ready. Good luck.

Woman in a Window said...

A break sounds like it's in order, and with all of that mommy encouragement I'm sure you'll dazzle him with, he'll be pooping sans pull-up before you know it.

Melissa said...

I'm all about waiting until G is ready. H trained herself at 4 on the nose...there is just no way she would have done it sooner.

I promise you that you will NOT be changing PullUps for the rest of your life...

Vered - MomGrind said...

You're a good mom! You're doing a great job here in a challenging situation.

Laura said...

I raised my nephew until he was 4. He was a lot of trouble that way too. It did work out. When he began going to school he did not want to be one of the kids who wore a diaper! I didn't have to push him about it. He is 13 now and has not been wearing anything but underwear a long time now. :) He loves wearing flannel boxers actually. lol

Heather said...

You are a wise, wise woman.

Teena in Toronto said...

I don't have kids so I can't help you here.

Zip n Tizzy said...

We're going through the same thing here, and you really do have to just let them be ready.
Both of my boys were over 3. Z is 3 1/2 now and just this last week started pooping on the toilet, but, for the weeks leading up to this refused. I've found that if you push they can push harder and it really does become miserable. If you encourage them, but, let them set the timeline, one day they just start using the toilet and that's that.
Plus, it's kind of like sleeping through the night. People will tell you their kid is sleeping through the night, but not tell you that they also move into their bed at 1 in the morning, or get up 5 times to pee. Lot's of people will tell you their kid is potty trained, except for all the times they poop their pants. 3's actually pretty normal for boys. (just a drag for us!)
Hang in there. I'm guessing you've got about a month, month and a half.

sky girl said...

I think you're making a wise decision. In everything I've ever read or heard, it's best to just put it aside if you've hit a roadblock like this. As my doc likes to say: she won't get married in diapers. Don't worry about it.

:)

Kathy said...

We didn't start with my son until a month before kindergarten....because he wasn't ready. For the first month of school he had almost daily accidents, and the only thing that finally worked was when the teacher told him to his face "one more accident and you have to wear pullups to school" in front of all the other kids....I'm sure it was awful...but the fear of looking like a baby in front of his peers I think is what did it...

Reluctant Housewife said...

Yay. WIN!

Probably the best thing you could have done. He'll do the poop in the potty thing when he's ready.

Corey~living and loving said...

YOu are making the best choice. :) he will when he is ready. I totally agree that he should be in charge of his body in this case.

Sugar has some trouble in this department, and she came through it fine on her own, with a caring, encouraging mother.

A Crafty Mom said...

I bet you'll be surprised that one day thing just suddenly "click" and he decides to do it on his own. I know how frustrating that it can be though, so I hope you find a nice present in the potty for you one day soon :)

Chantal said...

See, you knew what you needed to do all along.

Beck said...

Each kid is so different, and a good mother parents the actual child she has. You're a good mom.

Elaine A. said...

Sounds like everyone feels better about the situation and yes, he WILL do it eventually... : )

Oz said...

Hey, whatever works!

I firmly believe that stubborn is a good thing. You've got to be stubborn to achieve your goals. When Graham eventually decides his goal is to poop in the potty and kick the pull-ups, that stubbornness will serve him well!

Leanne said...

Exactly what I would have suggested had I been here sooner. You can't make kids eat, go to the toilet or sleep if they decide not to. It's best just to let them figure this stuff out for themselves. I only know this because I have tired to make all three of mine from time to time do one of each. Never worked. :)

Karen MEG said...

Love that pictures, what a cutie-pie!

You're doing it exactly right. He knows what he wants, when he wants to do it... it's all in his control. It will be done, just on his terms.

Mommy Cracked said...

I just want to cry reading this...I am going through the same. exact. thing. We've had a couple of successful attempts this weekend, but he still has to be prompted. He's 4. I'm disheartened. We will get there.

Jaina said...

I love the way he phrases things sometimes, it is just so darn cute.

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

Good for you, you can't win that fight. So much of a 3 year olds life is out of his control and sometimes they cling tenaciously to the few things they can. What they eat and ... their poo. I think you made the only choice, take a deep breath and let go. You are a rockin' mama.

Momma@Live. Laugh. Pull your hair out said...

My son did not poop on the potty until he was 4...and a half. He will do it when he is ready and have a party when he does!

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

We let nature takes its own sweet time with our son as well. We worried a bit, etc. because he didn't seem to understand the concept...however, at the age of 4, he just did it, and all's well. He was also really slow to stop peeing at night, and again, we worried a bit (he has had cancer, etc., so we thought there might be a relationship in some way), but again, one day, it just all came together...