Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I wish

I wish I only wanted one child.

I wish I could be one of the thousands (millions?) of people who choose to have an only child and are perfectly happy and content with their decision.

Some days, days like today, I would give anything for the ability to be one of those people who can argue with conviction that having an only child is not just okay, it's preferable.

Only children:

Are greener.
Are less of an financial and emotional stress for parents.
May be more likely to flourish under their parents undivided attention.
Are easier to travel with and provide extraordinary experiences for.
Need not be spoiled if parented judiciously.
Need not be lonely in the embrace of a large, loving extended family.

Great points aren't they?

It would certainly be pretty hard to argue against them with someone who was equipped to debate with confidence and passion and heartfelt conviction.

God, I wish I were that person.

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34 comments:

Lee said...

You've listed all of the things I wonder about as I look at my four. I wonder if I've done them a disservice by having "so many". Sometimes choices are made for us and we just have to deal. Which stinks. But, I'm happy to loan you any one of them :)

I'm sorry you're melancholy. The weather seems to be blowing in that kind of mood - here (Oakville) too.

Life As I Know It said...

oh, my heart goes out to you.

Vered - MomGrind said...

I'm sorry, Kelly. I wish I could say something to make you feel better.

Heather said...

hug

Amber said...

There are lots of good reasons to have only one child. The heart wants what it wants, no matter how little sense it makes.

I hope you can find happiness and contentment, whatever it looks like for you.

kbreints said...

Oh dear. I am sorry.

sky girl said...

I know what you mean. I'm here if you ever want to chat about it.

xo

Jaina said...

I was an only child for 11 years, so I've experienced both sides of that. I don't think either way is better. I think that it depends on each situation and family and what is right for each of them.

Deb said...

i know... life writes it's own story, doesn't it? i have my own wishes that can't come true, so i wallow in it some days, and am strong other days, and it doesn't even cross my mind on some.

you're not alone.

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

Holding you in my heart, dear Kelly.

Kit Kat said...

I'm right there with you.

Corey~living and loving said...

My great wish for you is contentedness in what is. ♥ I'm thinking of you, Kelly.

Madge said...

the heart wants what it wants.... i hope you get your wish.....

shay said...

Hugs from me.

Angella said...

Only children are special.

So are multiple children.

You do what you think is best, regardless of what is "supposedly" "better."

xoxo

daysgoby said...

Thinking of you....

Leanne said...

Hugs. It's hard....

Naomi said...

I'm an only child. Wasn't for me, but that's more about my parents. Have known other only children who were very happy with their parents decision.

Whatever may be in the cards for you, I hope you can find peace.

Kami's Khlopchyk said...

I used to wish I only wanted two kids. I yearned for another. It was not to be. And I am, finally, okay with it.

It's hard though. I guess what I am saying is that I know a little bit about how you feel.

Maybe if we keep wishing it, it will come true :)

Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

Many MANY days I wish I could be happy with my two.

God knows they're smart, cute and um...original. And God knows that it wasn't exactly easy for me to conceive them.

But my heart just doesn't want to hear it. You tell me I'm done having kids and I just might have a melt down.

Luck to you. ;-)

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I hope it works out just the way you want it to.

flutter said...

just love you

Michelle said...

All those same arguments went through my head too... but I kept thinking "what if"... and the "what if"s really won out in the end. I watched a dear friend (only child) lose her mother. Her wish was to at least have had a sibling to share the rest of her life with (she has a wonderful husband and extended family and friends... but still). No matter how different my sister and I are, I'm still glad that I have her and I couldn't imagine not doing the same for Peanut...
But I did wish for a while that I could be happy with just the one...

ewe are here said...

I know how very, very lucky we are to have the "choice" to be awaiting our third wee one.

My heart goes out to you.

MIT Mommy said...

I have tears in my eyes thinking about it. A virtual *hug* is all I can offer.

Eva Robertson said...

Our bodies and our minds can be strange to our deepest selves. I felt such an ambivalence coexisting with an urgent desire to conceive my second. These things resolve themselves. Here's hoping tomorrow (now today) is more cheerful!

Jen said...

It seems to be the question of the ages, and I wish I had the answer for myself. I think we are probably done, I'm not sure that's what I want. I'm not sure what I want.

Trannyhead said...

I'm an only child ... and my "only" kid is getting a sibling in December. I'm so happy for him! While I was an only child, I want siblings for my kids.

Kyla said...

I wouldn't trade my kids' sibling relationship for any of those things, in all honesty.

Good luck!

Beck said...

I think that having a sibling - if possible - is the best thing we can do for our child. It's an early and important lesson that we are not the center of the world, and later on in life, someone to share our childhood with when everyone else is gone.

petite gourmand said...

I'm not sure I'll ever know if we made (are making) the right decision to just keep at one.
In some ways it's been more difficult than the initial decision to have children in the first place.
Sometimes these decisions aren't really ours to make- which is difficult and frustrating.

I just feel grateful to have one healthy happy child- and count my blessings as much as possible each day.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

I always knew I wanted more than one. And I often wished I was happy with one...just can't win.

Mandy said...

I hope your dreams come true sweetie.

Karen MEG said...

Oh Kel, I missed this post - gahhh!!!

I have a lump in my throat, tears in my eyes, seriously. I really, really wished I were that person at one point too. Hubs would have been content with our boy. I tried to convince myself I could be too.

But I couldn't let it go. And thank goodness I can be stubborn, tenacious ... and extremely hopeful... when I have to be.

Hugs to you, wishing and hoping...