The new king

Oh how the mighty have fallen.

By the mighty I mean me. And when I say I have fallen, I mean, has parenting ever kicked my ass!

I tasted humble pie on the day Graham was born and apparently I can’t get enough. Since then I’ve gone back for more. And still more.

And just the other day I had yet another revelation: I realized I have become the kind of mother I swore I never, ever would become.

I have become the mother who gives in.

You know the kind. The mother who knows she should be a stronger disciplinarian but is so enamored of her child she can’t help but giggle when they are saucy. The kind who knows she shouldn’t coddle so much but nonetheless turns into a soppy puddle of goo at the first whimper. The kind who knows that it’s natural for a child to scream and cry at times but starts to twitch as soon as it starts and cannot bear it for more than a moment.

Sigh.

I’m well known as a bit of a hard-ass in other areas of my life. I do not suffer fools gladly. I refuse to accept poor customer service. In the course of my job, I have to discipline and fire people: I have done both countless times with steely determination. I do not seek confrontation, but neither am I the least bit afraid of it.

Before Graham came along I just assumed that when Rob and I had children, I would be the bad cop. Rob is a little more easy-going than I am, less routine-oriented. I actually worried that I might end up resenting the disciplinarian role I would be forced to assume.

Yeah, not so much.

You know it is bad when even Grandma and Oma are stricter with Graham than his mother is. But God help me, I’m a big ole softie when it comes to my boy.

Graham is my heart and he knows it. Mommy, mommy is like a siren song for me: I am helpless to resist and so I must go and do his bidding.

I must pull him from his bed for more one cuddle. I must hold him close and bury my face in his hair. I must press him to my heart and breathe in his sweetness, even as my rational mind tells me I should be stronger.

Oh yes, the mighty have fallen.

All hail the new king.