It's not easy being childless, when you have a parent who really wants you to have a child.
It sucks actually, especially if you really wish that you did have a child.
It hurts to be reminded of what you don't have. It makes you feel inadequate. It makes you defensive. It's easy to get a little pissed off about the whole thing.
I know I did.
It's my life, I thought. It's none of your business. You had your children. How could you possibly care that much whether I have a child?
But just as I wasn't prepared for the intensity of the love I feel for my child, I wasn't prepared for the intensity of the love my mom would feel for my child.
I knew she would love any child I bore, but I imagined that my becoming a mother would be mostly a relief for her; an end to worrying about when I would settle down, find my focus in life, conform.
I never really thought about the relationship she would develop with my son.
I never knew how much they would love to sit and read together.
Or just sit together.
And talk about their day.
I never had this child to make my mother happy. And I know that no one should ever, ever have a child to make someone else happy.