Thursday, September 10, 2009

Brave new world

As much as I deep down might entertain the notion that I am somehow different and perhaps even a little special, I was today humbled to learn that I am but a walking cliche.

That is to say, oh yeah, I cried.


Graham didn't, but I did.

He was a little nervous, but not overly so. He needed only some gentle reassurance and a great big hug before confidently taking his teacher's hand and allowing himself to be lead right out of his babyhood without so much as a backwards glance.


And I lingered, at the classroom door's edge, uncertain and teary, straining to keep him in my line of sight as he settled into a circle of his peers at the front of the room. The teacher nodded, a kindly cue for me to take my leave and even as I cursed myself for being that mom, the tears started to spill.

There's a reason why cliches become cliches and it was more emotional than I ever imagined it would be to know, at that moment, that the person I would die to protect was beginning his journey into a world where the sum total of the affections of a hundred friendly faces he encounters won't equal a millionth of the passion his mother has for his well-being.



So I cried, just a little, and I wished with all my heart that his Oma could have seen him today, so handsome, so grown up and so confident.

So yeah, I am a walking cliche and I cried, because even though Graham returned home today, looking exactly the same as he did this morning, I already miss the boy he was when he left.

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25 comments:

Kami's Khlopchyk said...

It's tough, we spend so much time with them clinging to us that watching them walk away is really, really hard.

I cried too.

flutter said...

he is so cute!!

Michelle said...

Yes.
And... ((Hug)) I'm right there with you.

Cheryl said...

Brilliant post, as usual!!! He's SO handsome in his uniform! I know that I'll be a wreck whenever either of my children start school, by then you'll be an old pro and you can talk me out of it. ;)

ChristophersHeart said...

I'll be right there with you Kelly - Maddy has her first day Wednesday. Even though I suspect she'll be much like Graham and barely give me a backwards glance....I know I'll cry. I can't believe 4 years ago we were sitting in Withrow Park with babies!

Speaking of which.....we really should plan a playdate. I'd love to catch up and I have this sneaking suspicion that Maddy and Graham would get along really well :)

Karen said...

Cliche just means that you're the best mom ever. What kind of mom actually skips back to the house to enjoy bonbons when her baby leaves? That happens sometime during the second year.

Erin said...

Wow did that every bring back memories. My next door neighbours growing up went to the same school and started everyday looking just like Graham in their uniforms. How cute!

Flea said...

I, um, relaxed and had a great day when my kids went to school for the first time. Of course, because we homeschooled for so long, they were 9, 13 and 14. It was such a RELIEF.

Still. My heart goes out to you. They grow up quickly. But it's a beautiful thing to see what they become as they do.

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

You know, I have learned to never scoff at the parenting cliches anymore. Until I've walked in that spot, I try not to assume what I'd personally do.

I cried for Justin. I cried for Evan. But if we keep homeshooling Corinne, I may miss out on this modern right of passage...

He looks pretty snazzy in his little backpack!

caramama said...

I did the same when the Pumpkin went to pre-school. She's only TWO!!! My baby!

I guess it's a cliche for a reason.

p.s. I love the labels! Too funny.

Magpie said...

He is adorable.

Amber said...

I cried like a baby the first time my child went trick-or-treating. It totally caught me off guard because I don't even like Halloween. But watching cross the street with her dad and hearing her loudly call out 'trick or treat' did a number on me. It was amazing to see this child be so independent.

All this to say, it's really, really hard to watch these kids grow up. Wonderful, but really hard. I understand, and I know everyone else who's ever been a mom understands, too.

PS - I love the uniform, so cute!

kgirl said...

Adorable little man - er, sorry, adorable little boy.

I guess I'm not a cliche, since my daughter's first day of JK induced an existential crisis, and not tears.

Mandy said...

Just wait until his friends introduce him to "fart" jokes.

Vered - Blogger for Hire said...

I'm a cliche too. :)

Kelli @ writing the waves said...

Join the club! I sent my first born to K a month ago, and I'm still adjusting to the whole idea. She loves it though. Sounds like Graham will too. :)

Jaina said...

That made me tear up. ::hugs:: It's just the start of a great adventure. :) (still very sad though, especially for the mommy)

Heather said...

Heck, I cried sending my second-grader too (and the kindergartener). It's never easy for me to let go of my precious babies.

Teena in Toronto said...

My mother would send us to school on the first day of school all alone ... and let us figure it out.

Mommy Cracked said...

Wow, he looks so grown up and handsome! That first day is so tough! Im glad he did so good!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

He looks so happy and self-confident. You'll be fine, mom.

Farmer*swife said...

Ugh! Don't get me like that! I remember when mine went off too. I was so happy for them and all they would learn and the new adventures.

I was so proud of their enthusiasm to go...

and, yet, tears? Ahhh, that is motherhood. :-)

Anonymous said...

hey kelly!!
yes i cried like a baby when joe started 4 years ago. now samantha starts on monday... i have been so excited more then her, cant wait to have some free time to myself!! then i read ur post :( i think u just made me realize that i will to cry like a baby on monday....
jenn berry

Mary said...

This post got. It really did. I felt a little trickle down my cheek. Your words are just alwasy so right on. You nail every emotion in your writing.

Loukia said...

I cried my head off, too, on my boy's first day of JK. Sobbed, actually. As soon as he held his teachers hand and never even once looked back at me... I was so proud of him... and so sad...