Friday, August 1, 2008

Melancholy summer

When I was a child summer lasted forever.

Summer was a kingdom onto itself where I was the queen and each endless day was tailor- made for my pleasure.

My childhood was spent splashing at the lake, practicing somersaults in the water and building sand castles to house my dreams. My teenage years were a blur of short shorts and suntans and sticky-sweet air heavy with possibility.

Summer is a melancholy time for me now. The older I get, the more I feel its essence slipping from my grasp. I no longer expect to enjoy endless sunshine, lazy days and sultry nights: I find myself yearning for just a day or two - a few hours even - in which I feel that the rays on my face are reflecting the joy in my heart.

Age, it seems, has stolen my ability to live in the moment. I am compelled to peer anxiously forward, planning next week, next month, next year: fearing winter's chill even as the sun shines warm and bright.

I wonder if Graham thinks that summer will last forever.


I wonder if he will view these days, these sweet moments, so rushed and random to me, through a lens designed to colour and stretch them. I wonder if they will forever be rendered longer and brighter and sweeter in his memory.


I wonder when he will start to feel, as I do, that the seasons seem to blend one into the other. I wonder how old he will be when he realizes that autumn, with its rain and ruin, is waiting in the wings.



I hope it will be a good, long while.

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55 comments:

flutter said...

*sigh*

Assertagirl said...

I've started to dread winter already, too.

tricki_nicki said...

I never even thought about this - but it's so true. Summer just doesn't really hold the same kind of 'magic' that it used to, huh? Well, I guess life doesn't in general. That's why we have kids. We get to live through them now...

Tracey said...

Awww.... I'm sorry! Maybe when he starts going to school, and there is more of a routine to his days home and his days out, you will also feel the change of the seasons more. I know that I do! The magic of summer is definitely back for my family! Hoping it sticks around for me when they're all grown up.

Helen E.M. Wright said...

Looks like he's having a lot of fun...he knows absolutely nothing of the future.
Isn't that the truth? We're always thinking about what's about to come or what is was like before. Why can't we take a moment and not think, instead take a page out of our children's life and live in the present!?

sky girl said...

This is exactly how I feel.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

I KNOW! I feel like I'm sliding into September with dirt in my skirt.

angie said...

Sigh is right. Beautifully put, but so. Melancholy! :) I wish summer never "ended" either.

Susiewearsthepants said...

Summer is no fun when you have, well you know...a job.

Heather said...

That photo of Graham fishing is so cute. I love it.

daysgoby said...

Lovely!

Karen MEG said...

I hope so too... these earlier sunsets are already making me sad...

Nowheymama said...

I JUST wrote about summer melancholy yesterday. Something must be in the air.

OHmommy said...

Awe.

Just awe.

Mr Lady said...

*sigh*

mamatulip said...

Oh, the nostalgia. I know what you mean; some of my favourite memories are summer ones.

Ms. Porter said...

What a great post.

I feel a little surprised that it's August already, how is it possible? Thank goodness I love Fall, but I'm dreading winter so much.

Nap Warden said...

Oh summer...sigh

Melisa said...

Nice post. I would guess that his life (except for when there's snow!) feels like one long "summer"; when he starts school and there is a completely opposite routine for a couple of months is when he'll discover the Glory Days of Summer...

Looks like you are having so much fun! He's a lucky boy.

Are You Serious! said...

♡ So cute I love the pictures!

Kelly said...

I completely agree! The magic just doesn't seem to be there anymore :(

Kelli said...

How sad, but true....we haven't even been to the beach yet this summer and it's August! (We only live an hour and a half away.) This summer has passed by way to fast...but you've just motivated me to make the most of this last month. Even just little things - trips to the ice cream shop, BBQs, catching fireflies outside, running through the sprinklers... We've done this a little, but not nearly enough. Thanks for the reminder!

Great pictures by the way!

Jobthingy said...

so true.

those pics are great. he is adorable

Jenifer said...

There are moments when we are at our friends cottage that I think I might still feel it, but somehow through my eyes it is just so different.

The girls seem oblivious and for that I am grateful.

Mandy said...

I remember summers stretching on forever. Now it feels like a short term marker in the year.

Huckdoll said...

Oh...you totally transported me back to my own endless days of summer!

From the looks of your pictures, you're doing an amazing job of making his summers very special.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

One of the things about being a SAHM that I loved is that I never really stopped having my summer. It just might be a teensy part of what attracted me to teaching.

Good N Crazy said...

Okay. Airplanes, boats AND ducks! Not THAT's a perfect summer!

Thanks for understanding my laziness, I mean my lack of time this month, okay...laziness.

Christine said...

Beautiful, and all too true.

Pregnantly Plump said...

That third picture is too cute! I love how he's sitting and the sweet smile on his face!

Immoral Matriarch said...

He is just TOO Cute. I hate summer. Tooooo hot. :P

Dawn said...

Beautiful..the writing, the photos, the sentiment...I loved this.

April said...

I love it when the girls share with me their favorite memories of things we've done together.

Texan Mama@WhoPutMeInCharge said...

The pictures are so beautiful. I think Graham is still a bit young to have such ponderous thoughts. I bet he's more concerned about how many bugs he can catch. (or fish!) I think adults look at moments in terms of reflection and comparison: how is this similar to what I've done in the past, what I still want to do, etc. Kids just see things for what they are. Kids are blank canvases upon which they can design their own memories. The future is not planned out for them yet and their past is already a faded memory. The thing Graham will remember is you and your husband and the love of your family.

womaninawindow said...

It's all endless if we let it be. Well, of course until it's over. I can manage to trick myself in moments. But yes, kids have a magic that we older people lack. I think Graham's memories won't be anything but endless.

Insane Mama said...

an audible sigh. I hate the ending of Summer, I hope my kids don't fear it as much

Kyla said...

He's so cute, K.

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

Seeing as it is going to be 107 today--bring on the blizzard :)

I love your boy in the lake with ducks!

Queen of My Domain said...

It seems like the heat of summer has been here for the longest time. But the fun part of summer seems to be flying by in our house also.

Sass E-mum said...

Ha - right here, right now, summer comes and goes with the rain.

Graham is such a good looking boy. VERY cute.

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

I have given my kids the gift of a summer filled with nothing - no organized activities or schedules or routines. Just playing, finding friends, bike riding, backyard barbeques. Now that there are only 2 weeks left, I find myself scrambling around trying to fit in every and anything I can.

KEEP BELIEVING

Maggie, Dammit said...

*sigh*

Laura said...

Looks like Graham is having a wonderful summer. Lovely photos!

Hetha said...

I relate to this as well. Man alive is that little boy cute though!

caramama said...

Oh, ditto. This is completely how I've been feeling lately! Way to capture it perfectly.

And Graham is such a cutie pie!

krissy said...

He will see these memories as special time with his mommy.

Darn, he is a heartbreaker. Love the cute smile.

Vodka Mom said...

This was a beautiful Ode to Summer. Thank you.
(sniff, sniff.)

Anna said...

I love that first picture with the ducks! So cute!

common mom said...

Great post!

Summer still feels like it did when I was a child. Even though there's all that grown up stuff we have to deal with at the end of the day, summer is summer and will always be summer to me :-) I think it's just because I love outside so much . . .we're outside as much as possible, and too late during the sumemr :-) It's so great to head outside with the kids and play with them or teach them how to do things . . . or to just sit on the deck and watch them run around with their friends, wondering who they'll be bringing home for dinner or who's staying overnight at who's house.

Ahhhhhh - to be a kid again :-)

Jaina said...

This is my first real out of college summer...it's weird, like I keep waiting for it to start.
Beautiful pictures and post.

Joanna said...

That hit me a few days ago - dreading winter. When did this start?

Jen said...

I've been relishing this summer because neither DH nor I have had work obligations at all (!!!!) so we've been able to really be kids again and just PLAY with ours. It's magical.

I hate winter.

Colleen said...

Very nicely said - I feel the same way! Whatever happened to those warm nights, sitting on the porch, feeling the breeze on your face? I sometimes wonder if I miss out on those moments because I'm so busy making sure my kids have good summer memories.

Elaine A. said...

I liken it to Christmas, it's just not the same as it was when you were a kid. And once you are the adult it's all about the kids - that's why YOU have such good memories, right? ; )

Love this post...

KathyLikesPink said...

Your photos - and Graham's smile - perfectly capture the happiness of summer!