tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post2079556451740345358..comments2024-01-30T12:13:22.632-05:00Comments on Don Mills Diva: How can you tell if your kid's a spoiled brat?Don Mills Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03733674458423525738noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-62263680631858773522009-11-06T10:20:49.576-05:002009-11-06T10:20:49.576-05:00I disagree with the other posters, you are not hel...I disagree with the other posters, you are not helping your son by not teaching him that there are consequences for bad behavior (the definition of spoiling). Why did you stay at the park long after you (and apparently your son) had become exhausted? You should have left after the first tantrum. This would have allowed you and your husband and son to get some much needed rest, and would have the added benefit of helping your son learn that if he throws a tantrum, there will be consequences.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-29904494642804323812009-09-16T18:49:49.410-04:002009-09-16T18:49:49.410-04:00Rest assured, you are not alone. I ask myself the...Rest assured, you are not alone. I ask myself the same questions about spoilage on a practically daily basis. It never occurred to me to see my role as creating good childhood memories that might act as a "bulwark" for my children against the travails of adulthood (you put it so eloquently). Rather, in light of my own childhood, I see it as my duty to do what I can to reduce emotional conflicts and power struggles between myself and my son -- in doing so, I have worried that I cave and cater to him far too much, and that I have created expectations and feelings of entitlement that are way out of proportion to the way life really works. <br /><br />The thing is: you have a stubborn, willful son. And, apparently, he is given to temper tantrums. This is a horrid combination, I know. I did not know how extreme such behaviors could be until I had my boy. And you may not actually know just how challenging Graham is until and unless you have another child, who is more in the center of the spectrum as concerns certain personality traits, such as stubbornness, sensitivity, and passion. <br /> <br />I have a daughter whose behavior strikes my whole family as outlandishly difficult at times, and I just laugh because she IS SO easy and normal and manageable compared to what my boy was. She throws tantrums and acts like a prima donna all the time, but that "spoiled behavior" is pretty easy to nip in the bud. She actually responds to threats and punishment, whereas my son never did. He wanted what he wanted, thought what he thought, and felt what he felt and not a thing in the world could change that. At 3 1/2 he was a nightmare. But don't worry, it gets better.dogwooddiaristhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14620645607630640331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-31817742088212922882009-09-10T22:47:15.476-04:002009-09-10T22:47:15.476-04:00Ummm, ok, please take this the right way.
Why are...Ummm, ok, please take this the right way.<br /><br />Why are you doing this to yourself and to him?<br /><br />And to the commenters above who have taken their kids who are under 5 to crazy places and expected anything good?<br /><br />Why?<br /><br />The CNE sucks donkey balls until you are older than 8 or 9. Same for Wonderland and Disneyland and the rest. Ok, maybe Centre Island for the 2 to 5 set, but only for about 3 hours at a time. We have season passes to all the attractions we like and even now we only go for a few hours at a time, because even 9 and 13 year olds get tired and cranky.<br /><br />When my first was 5 we tried to make him last all day and go great places and we spent loads of money, and he had tantrums from morning until night. And it sucked.<br /><br />With the next one, we tried again, and it sucked. <br /><br />This time? The baby stays home with a sitter and rolls on the grass. The older kids and I go on coasters and have fun. I've learned to be rude to relatives who stay too long or are too loud during his naps and expect me to drive all over God's green acre just to satisfy them. I just won't. <br /><br />Your kid is absolutely NOT spoiled. He just can't do it all. No one can.Aureliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13691032415028867902noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-44775352442433242282009-09-10T22:29:00.787-04:002009-09-10T22:29:00.787-04:00I have some of these same fears with Gaby. I'...I have some of these same fears with Gaby. I'm so glad you articulated them because I've been afraid to. She's Gareth's first child and my 5th, so he thinks I'm being too hard on myself, but alas, we go out of our way to create memories and try and make up for the hell that the last two years of living with a near-suicidal mother has been for her. But I think there's a very fine line between providing opportunities to create special moments and memories and creating a spoiled rotten monster. <br /><br />Whilst Gaby isn't totally there, we are having more and more "moments" where her behaviour is less than stellar and downright horrid. Her bossiness and attitude are overwhelming at times. <br /><br />In the end, I think it's all about balance. Hopefully soon...both your family and ours will find that balance. <br /><br />Beautiful post, as always.Audrey at Barking Mad!http://www.iambarkingmad.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-76164234112707194232009-09-10T19:42:48.722-04:002009-09-10T19:42:48.722-04:00Alas, I didn't get to the Ex this year :(Alas, I didn't get to the Ex this year :(Teena in Torontohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14875608173791872449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-25489799260744725762009-09-10T19:22:42.049-04:002009-09-10T19:22:42.049-04:00Sometimes i feel this same way. And sometimes, I ...Sometimes i feel this same way. And sometimes, I realize that i have set up the conditions for him to act that way and he is only four. and sometimes, I have to remember that it is not necessarily the BIG things that we do together as it is, being together. And our memories are sometimes of the simple things, that make our family special.InTheFastLanehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09691830067979224059noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-11864198907592267452009-09-10T18:55:32.420-04:002009-09-10T18:55:32.420-04:00I've got a busy week lined up and realise I mi...I've got a busy week lined up and realise I might end up pushing Peaches in to a similar sort of behaviour.<br /><br />I think I'll learn from your experience and to take the buggy so that she has somewhere to rest. It's also some where I can tell her to sit if she is naughty.<br /><br />I've started sending her to her room when she's stroppy (starts throwing or snatching). And if she whines, I tell her whining doesn't work and to go outside/to another room/away from me until she's ready to speak in her fabulous voice.<br /><br />Sending her to her room until she's ready to behave properly works really well - I've only done it a couple of times. Because she's little I don't put a time on it - I just tell her she can come back when she's ready to behave differently.<br /><br />Of course - none of this works if she's really tired. But it gives me a simple way to respond and stops me losing my rag.Sasshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13697836741843809088noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-76859840404626251012009-09-10T18:30:41.649-04:002009-09-10T18:30:41.649-04:00I often wonder the same thing. Do my kids have so...I often wonder the same thing. Do my kids have some sense of entitlement that I've contributed to? <br /><br />Since most other adults tell me my children are well behaved (they save the acting out for me), I have to think they save their naughty behavior for me....<br /><br />AND, I would guess that Graham was absolutely over stimulated and tired.Claremont First Wardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02529859630615522678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-63718015322675825362009-09-10T17:55:11.894-04:002009-09-10T17:55:11.894-04:00Every time I schedule a super! amazing! fantabulou...Every time I schedule a super! amazing! fantabulous! extra-double-fun!! series of outings for multiple days in a row with my kids, the elder one (aged 5 now) is totally heinous - HEINOUS - by the second day. Your weekend sounded like waaaaay too much of a good thing - like four or five weekends' worth of fun all in one. You're right in that he needed a talking to, but you're also right to think that maybe it was too much.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-21816138914049622782009-09-10T17:27:09.761-04:002009-09-10T17:27:09.761-04:00I think overstimulated is probably the right expla...I think overstimulated is probably the right explanation. ::hugs:: You're a fantastic mom.Jainahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05666481569069955190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-71658961910595068952009-09-10T16:52:31.292-04:002009-09-10T16:52:31.292-04:00I don't think he's a brat at all, Kelly. ...I don't think he's a brat at all, Kelly. I think you've done a wonderful job. I think he sounds like a little boy who had too much stimulation, and not enough normal routine. That's hard at that age :-)<br /><br />HUGS lady.rachel - a southern fairytalehttp://www.asouthernfairytale.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-26098129186070536842009-09-10T16:22:38.617-04:002009-09-10T16:22:38.617-04:00No he's not a little monster, and you need to ...No he's not a little monster, and you need to cut yourself a whole lotta slack. <br /><br />That was a crazy busy weekend, and I'll be honest, we hee-ed and haw-ed about whether to go to the Ex this year ourselves, for precisely that reason ... we thought the kids might be grumpy, hot, out of sorts in the crowded venue. Or maybe just cuz we're old and can't handle the stress any more!<br /><br />I hope things are settling down now...it is a very busy time, and a lot of changes for a little boy. And for Mama. Take a nice hot bath!Karen MEGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10834425321020756655noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-1773093421327323292009-09-10T14:08:55.374-04:002009-09-10T14:08:55.374-04:00Oh Golly Molly, I posted about my boys on Monday a...Oh Golly Molly, I posted about my boys on Monday and can totally relate. They'd also had a crazy busy weekend and A LOT of time in the car. I think both of our kids just had a little too much. And we all have our 'off' days. Hope things are better today...Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01044279582701415786noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-42112917326025900222009-09-10T14:02:49.606-04:002009-09-10T14:02:49.606-04:00Wow, I think we all feel that way.
My example is ...Wow, I think we all feel that way.<br /><br />My example is about restaurants. The SECOND my 3 kids are fighting about WHERE we are giong to eat, is the second we STOP eating out for a while since clearly it's not a treat simply to GO OUT... you know?<br /><br />and second. remember simple is often better for kids. I read a NYTimes article once where this dad had made a giant list of great awesome fun things to do with dad. And he then put it in front of his son. And asked him to pick like 3 things he MOST wanted to do.<br /><br />Guess what he picked? The park. Throwing a ball with dad. <br /><br />I think about that alot... quality time doesn't always mean QUANTITY of money :)...<br /><br />Wow I didn't mean to go off. but I so so so relate on this one!! <br /><br />Cheers girl.. how are ya??Carissa(GoodnCrazy)https://www.blogger.com/profile/06345343198854496110noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-47597513191518727632009-09-09T21:41:22.293-04:002009-09-09T21:41:22.293-04:00My Rob says our job as parents is just to keep our...My Rob says our job as parents is just to keep our kids alive - while I think it's much more than that. His point is really that we need to not sweat the small, or big stuff. <br /><br />I doubt that Graham will remember the yelling and cajoling in the future - though you will. Think of it as a lesson learned - a weekend of fun may just need to be followed by a relaxing day at hme.<br /><br />BTW - I HATE the CNE - I prefer small town fairs with smaller crowds, & less expensive rides, but that maynbe because this City Mouse has slowly transormed into a Country Mouse living out where the streetlights on the 401 end :)Janice @ Mom On The Runhttp://www.momontherun.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-35418662766697268062009-09-09T18:17:57.459-04:002009-09-09T18:17:57.459-04:00I'm with Rob on this one. Graham's at an a...I'm with Rob on this one. Graham's at an age where he wants to do EVERYTHING with no limits. He has no clue how to let you know he's tired or that he needs to go home because he's willing to overlook it all for the FUN. That's just the nature of being a preschooler. <br />As for what YOU have done? Well, you've raised one of the sweetest, most caring little boys I know. Peanut's not an angel to be around all the time either. What you're doing is giving him the tools to cope with life's ups and downs (and I think we ALL need to work on how to cope with the ups... we forget about that one). There are plenty of opportunities to help him with dealing with life's challenges and down times... we never have to create those, they just happen. But by making these wonderful, special memories happen (and maybe helping him to deal with being overtired/overstimulated), you're not only teaching him valuable lessons about self-control and delayed gratification, but you're also teaching him that life can be wonderful too... and isn't that an important lesson to learn?Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11744571176673865035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-27191995312638512442009-09-09T17:44:30.184-04:002009-09-09T17:44:30.184-04:00I imagine that Rob's comments would be my own....I imagine that Rob's comments would be my own. <br /><br />But, if you are really worried, you can always ask a friend who you know will be honest in his/her response. <br /><br />That being said, all of our kids have similar days/times. Sorry to hear your trip the the CNE was somewhat tempered.Mandyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14586323120994967027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-28481432851241791532009-09-09T16:55:02.802-04:002009-09-09T16:55:02.802-04:00FWIW, I completely agree with Rob.
(I feel your p...FWIW, I completely agree with Rob.<br /><br />(I feel your pain. The last two days w/ Oliver have been, for the most part, good, but they've been peppered with meltdowns of epic proportions. It's exhausting.)mamatuliphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02692442843330582571noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-86518160523798619462009-09-09T16:17:49.859-04:002009-09-09T16:17:49.859-04:00If the comments here are any indication, and I cou...If the comments here are any indication, and I count myself among them, we ALL have exactly the same worry. Personally, I think toddlers by their nature are entitled and bratty, I don't think they make them any other way.CaraBeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04614627167922944626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-71407100480041198672009-09-09T16:06:28.382-04:002009-09-09T16:06:28.382-04:00My mother always used to say that it was a bit of ...My mother always used to say that it was a bit of a waste of time trying to create those memories for kids under about 5 as they rarely remembered them. (She could be right.)<br />One of mine used to behave like this from time to time and it was usually in large, noisy places which were completely too much for him. We cold also set our watches by his stomach as his behaviour always went down the toilet when he was hungry.Expat mumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17798190669591053390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-59011898093265609162009-09-09T15:04:14.912-04:002009-09-09T15:04:14.912-04:00Not only is he human, but so are you. Sometimes i...Not only is he human, but so are you. Sometimes in situations like that it is just better so throw in the towel on the day, and go home. "Mommy can't do this today!" That's okay.Corey~living and lovinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05719661119360487023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-28436304521953035212009-09-09T14:12:07.988-04:002009-09-09T14:12:07.988-04:00I feel your pain, even as a Grandma but I take car...I feel your pain, even as a Grandma but I take care of my two toddler grandsons full time. I've written about the same subject recently, if you'd like to take a look:<br /><br />http://missykrissy2005.blogspot.com/2009/07/in-defense-of-parents-with-spirited.html<br /><br />http://missykrissy2005.blogspot.com/2009/08/in-defense-of-spirited-child-part-ii.html<br /><br />And here is a great link that got me started on this subject:<br /><br />http://parenting.ivillage.com/gs/gsbehavior/0,,45pv-p,oo.html<br /><br />They're not brats, Kelly. Just human.MissKrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12726021829363492972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-58956204960855004232009-09-09T12:41:56.496-04:002009-09-09T12:41:56.496-04:00I agree with both your husband and you. Kids aren&...I agree with both your husband and you. Kids aren't perfect, and fatigue will definitely make them more challenging, but I think we have to keep our antennas up to make sure that we don't allow it to get out of hand. And, while I hesitate to tell another mom what to do, since you asked I will offer that maybe you should've called it a day earlier. For your sake as much as his.Aprilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-63026586869961853882009-09-09T12:20:41.115-04:002009-09-09T12:20:41.115-04:00He probably WAS just tired, etc. I worry about the...He probably WAS just tired, etc. I worry about the same things though, that I'm creating spoiled brats...so I do make sure to say no to things regularly too. Not to be mean to the kids, but to tell them we really don't need that thing so we're not buying it today.<br /><br />I also try to make them see me donating food, etc to help others. They will almost always ask me why I'm doing it and it opens a conversation about being lucky to have all that we do.Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01979925607834752536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-454432385331536006.post-78189980211155462032009-09-09T12:13:20.615-04:002009-09-09T12:13:20.615-04:00Weariness and fear manifest themselves in the ugli...Weariness and fear manifest themselves in the ugliest ways. I'm guessing you were both tired, too. You and your husband are probably both right and just need to meet in the middle somewhere.Fleahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03412755038083750088noreply@blogger.com